August 19, 2012
Epic rant (and no less epic dry martini recipe)
Who drinks Peanut Butter and Jelly Vodka? WHO? I’ll tell you who. People who think martinis have flavors. THOSE ARE NOT MARTINIS YOU ARE DRINKING. They are drinks, yes. They come in martini glasses, yes. But a martini glass does not make a martini. A martini does not have the flavor of apples or chocolate or blueberry. Martinis taste like life; bitter. Because they are made with gin. And gin is the chosen drink of the bitter.
Open vermouth, pour contents down the sink. Stare at martini glass, wondering why you are even going to bother pretending like you are drinking for fun. Put glass back. Open gin. Drink from bottle, coming up for breath about every ten seconds until bottle is empty. Slam bottle on counter, open olives. Put olive on each finger and hold up hands, shouting “Look, olive mittens!” Pass out on kitchen floor.
That’s a martini. That’s a drink.